Happy Birthday, Kaylee Bug

Dear Kaylee,

It is so hard for me to believe that you are six years old. I still remember the day I found out you were going to join our family. I knew before I was ever pregnant. I knew there was a very special child waiting to come and live life. I was very afraid, but I had always wanted so much to be a mother and there were times I wondered if I'd be able to have kids. It was a scary decision, but dad and I knew you needed to come to our family right away. It was a hard few months in the beginning. I was so very sick, but I was secretly ok with it, because I knew you'd be worth it all.

I dreamed of having a girl. I always thought it would be nice to have a boy first so my girls would have a big brother, but I wanted a girl so badly! I needed a girl. I never had a big brother here, but I do have a Big Brother, and He's the best. He's yours too. The day the doctor told your dad you were a girl, I was so happy, but I felt selfish. Dad used to tease me that if it was a girl he wouldn't take her home. But do you want to know something? When you were born, I knew you had all of your daddy's love. I could see it in his eyes. He used to hold you and talk to you like the two of you were the best of friends. You have his beautiful blue eyes, and his blonde hair.

You were born on a Monday night. It was pretty late by the time you joined us. It was a long night, and I never wanted it to end. I was so happy to have you here. You came on your due date, just like I'd planned. I didn't even know you were coming until the doctor told us to go to the hospital! I was so very nervous. I didn't think I could make it. I didn't think I could be a good mom for you. Dad helped me be brave. It wasn't as bad as I feared. When they put you in my arms, I never wanted to let go. I loved you so much it hurt. I wanted to keep you safe from everything and everyone who might try and hurt you. I wanted to give you the best of everything and I was going to be a perfect mom. I saw the most special baby girl lying there in my arms. I knew you'd be great, and I was right. You are great.

I always loved the name Kaylee. I used to daydream about being a mom. I always thought I'd like a girl named Kaylee. When dad and I were dating, I used to practice writing my name as Camille Koberstein. Then I'd practice writing my kid's names. I loved writing Kaylee Koberstein. Dad wasn't sure he wanted to name you Kaylee. When you were born and he held you, he decided you were definately a Kaylee, but he got to pick your middle name. And that's how you became our Kaylee Jordan.

When daddy held you in his arms and gave you a name and blessing, I was listening really closely. I remember he said you have a "keen understanding." Kaylee, you amaze me all the time at what you understand. I love it when you come home and tell me what you learned at church. I love it when you teach our lesson for Family Home Evening. It is always so simple and full of truth. I love when you decide to be good. I know that sometimes it's hard to want to be good, but you are good. I love when you make the beds to surprise me. I really do love it when you want to help me cook, even though sometimes I pretend that I don't want your help.

I love the special times we spend together. I love it when you do my hair and "decorate" me. I love when you try and get me and dad to sit by each other, or you dress me up before dad gets home from work. I love seeing you and Charles play together. It's wonderful to see the special love you share with your brother. I love reading "every night story" to you. I love it when you let me do your hair fun new ways. I love it when you read with me. I love listening to you sing. I love watching you grow, even though it hurts. It's hard for me to see you grow up. I know the day is coming too soon when you will leave me, and I will miss you so much! I will try harder to make the most of every day we have together. That way when you leave, I'll have so many happy memories to keep my heart from breaking.

I love you more than there are stars in the sky.

Love,

Mom