Stake (your claim) Conference

Today was my least favorite Sunday of the year. Stake Conference. Why such an aversion to this Sabbath? Surely it has it's perks, i.e. a break from your ward calling, a shorter block, etc. However, I feel after many years' experience, that the cons outweigh the pros. My children agree with this take wholeheartedly. When we get in the car and begin heading to church, the moment they become aware we are not heading to the same old building, the worrying and wailing begin. Charles line is always, "NO!!!!!!! Not the Tabernacle!!!!" I share this sentiment though I have learned not to let loose my internal groanings. The Tabernacle is a beautiful and historic building. But, it is NOT comfortable and it is NOT functional. If you are so lucky as to be early enough to get a seat (I imagine you have to pull a Black Friday stint of waiting out in the cold for hours to be the first through the door-- it appears fifteen to thirty minutes just doesn't cut in anymore) those most fortunate souls are the lucky ones who get to Stake Their Claim. They get their pick of seats and where do they always pick??? The aisle seats. No one has the good courtesy or common sense to slide to the middle. I am a firm believer in doing this, and so I tend to avoid the thought of arriving early. I NEED an aisle seat. Why? I have three children. Period. That should be enough of an explanation, but for those who still insist on having families with young children climb over them in the narrow benches to get to the only empty spot in the center, I will now provide clarification and hopefully some understanding. I have a seven year old, a rowdy five year old BOY, and a six month old infant. Even with my best intentions of being on time, of sitting through the whole meeting, of being the epitome of reverence or something very close to it, these lovely young 'uns do not always share this view. There are many times in the normal course of a "boring" church meeting that I may need to leave. I am a stickler/strict/mean mother and so my list of acceptable reasons to leave are very limited for my little brood. They include: bathroom break, feedings, and "if we don't leave now nobody will be able to hear the speaker any longer." Kaylee is generally very well behaved, but there is something about being squooshed into a hard bench with too many other bodies and having a brother kicking your legs and elbowing your ribs because of the lack of space that makes her act up a little. I could go on and on, but most of my readers are mothers of young children and know just what I am talking about.... so to the few older folks who might ever read this and still insist on claiming the beloved aisle seats, here is my point:
Because of said disruptions in worship, it may become necessary for me to evacuate one or more of my children with myself included. Due to this I do NOT appreciate having to climb over you in a place where the space between benches is already too small for me to sit up straight with my feet on the floor and not need a knee replacement (don't believe me? Sit by me in the Tabernacle sometime). I especially do NOT appreciate your glares when this feat is attempted. And I will usually try to come back and have to repeat the process again? Why? Because I'm a glutton for punishment. Believe me. I'd much rather leave and never return again. But there are people who keep telling me that I'll regret it and my children will regret it. So we continue in our vain attempts. You can help the cause by MOVING OVER! Or at least be polite. If you choose an aisle seat know what is in the fine print. I'm taking a contract next time. By sitting here in the coveted aisle seat I agree to............ I agree NOT to..............
And on a final note. Why in the world do they talk up these large church conferences and meetings and heartily encourage all to attend and then meet in a building too small to accomodate even one entire ward? "We really want everyone to come........just not enough to provide adequate space for all of you." Is is any wonder why most people just don't go? They are trying to make more room for others.
Having said this, let me end by saying that I was very appreciative of my bishop and his family. Especially their daughter. She was majorly squashed between her parents so they could make room for my family to have a seat. On the front row. This made getting in and out a whole lot easier. Unfortunately we didn't last through the whole meeting, and my children enjoyed a hearty time-out, but we all survived and that small gesture of making room in the inn sure made me feel a little less hostility toward Stake Conference.